2006-01-28 Kuzco: Alright...me, [Kuzco], have read the whole thing. I assure you it is far easier than you might think.
I commented each chapters except "Loose" for the lack of comments to add.
So I'll post here my overall impression.

Pros:
Dialogues. The characters speak differently but keep tuned in with their personalities all throughout the story. Each type of dialogue is connected to a character and everything. An absolute success.
Description. I hardly ever like long descriptions so the fact that this story tries to avoid them is a plus for me. The descriptions show up when needed be with a "they are here, the place is like this, moving on" kind of 'attitude'. There are one or two paragraphs I PERSONALLY thought to be too big, but objectively, I have no complaints on this.
The narration was always in tune with the dialogues, greatly highlighting the characters, which is a very good thing in this kind of story.
Characters. We got the modest wizard who thinks himself weak and unable to accomplish anything great but shows wise thinking and courageous proceeding all throughout the story justifying it with “need” in his mind; the serious and responsible elf girl with a sense of humour which only works with her friend Chad who does the right thing but constantly complaining about it...like an honourable mercenary or something. The old cryptic wizard only shows up on the second chapter, he shows almost omniscience but the way his dialogue is built makes him my favourite character, Mordic. They are put in front of us and interact and talk and… live. I think they are very well created and well developed.

Cons:
Two things, everything kind of loses greatness after they first encounter the dragon. The goblin attack is good but is, I think, a bit random. They show up from a hole, attack, and retreat not to be seen again. No kind of relevance towards the story but maybe to tell us they’re food for the spiders and dragon. I think they didn’t return because the dragon started roaring and hauling all over the place, but I can’t be sure can I? ;).
Then there’s Chad’s death, I thought everything was really good till the point he said he loved her. I just don’t see Chad saying he loved her as his last words. I was much more attuned with a very good and loyal friendship there, since I saw signs of nothing more. And since it didn’t quite connected with the concept “Chad” that the story had built, his death looses…I’d say a quarter of the impact. But again, maybe Mari and Chad’s connection was too subtle for the reader to catch it and surprising us was the trick you were looking for, even so, I’m not a big fan of that kind of phrases shot out of nowhere and it kinda ruined my mood on that chapter, which was building up to be memorable. :P
Well, two things, I don’t think I can mention anything more.

Personal comments/overall:
If the story was bigger, I think the story itself should be more highlighted. I mean, what is the staff of Illidon? Who is the enemy of the war and how bad is it looking for William’s side, whoever they are? How strong can a wizard really be without a staff? All I saw was he moving some boulders, there is not even a hint whatsoever to the importance of that staff despite a legend and Mordic’s cryptic warnings. It seemed to me this story was built around the characters in spite of having the characters built into the story. On this particular novelette, it’s a really good move, but I think that in a bigger story it would be a bad move. Not grave, but bad nonetheless. As I said on the last chapter, I got the taste/impact of a prequel rather than of a story. And a prequel generally can’t create an impact a story can because what follows the prequel is…well the important, the story itself. I felt this was more about the characters than about the staff of Illidon.
Even if somewhat stripped of importance, the plot was really well thought out; the puzzle, the exploring, the problem solving, taking a risk, taking a guess, the ghost of the king. The whole stones, staff and crown and stuff, very well thought out indeed. I loved reading through it.
Seriously though, a very good read everybody! The writer picks up known and seen elements and joins them together into a nice and small tale undoubtedly worthy of our/your time.

2006-01-28 SleepingDragon: Kuzco, you have my deepest thanks and most sincere appreciation for not only taking the time to read it all, but also leaving some very helpful comments as well as an awesome critique!

You rock man!

I've no problem with anything you said, pro's con's or otherwise. It all helps. I'll sit on it a while then go back and see what can be strengthened or fixed.

Thanks again!

2006-01-28 Kuzco: Trully my pleasure Sleepy D. I'm glad I could help in any way. :)

2006-01-29 GasMan: Well, just got finished reading it. Loved the whole fantasy setting. Nice and simple, used previous stylings so as to not bog it down with description. Nicely action packed when required.

As Kuzco mentions, you seem to have dialogue spot on. It works well and you can tell which character is speaking.

Definitely looks like a prequel of sorts to a sprawling epic methinks. Curious to see William arrive on the frontlines to save the day. :) Nice job Mr Dragon.

2006-01-30 SleepingDragon: Hey! GasMan is in the house! Glad you could make it and thanks a bunch.

2006-03-12 dmeredith: It is finished.
Well, I read it. In general I think it is faithful to the whole idea of the old D&D novels. If it were me (which it obviously isn't) I would flesh out some of the description. I also would site some of the things that Kuzco mentioned above about the goblins and the dragon. I won't repeat all that, but the one area where I really do feel the story needs work is the last chapter. Way too short. Chad died, Mari cried , the end. That could be a really touching sequence if it was a little longer. Overall though it was a good, fun, light read and reminded me poignantly of the literally thousands of hours I wasted in high school and college playing AD&D, rather nostalgic really. The only other thing I might pick on is that throughout Mari acts awfully human for an elf. She doesn't really reflect the elegantly reserved nature of elves and maybe that character would make more sense as a half-elf. Again though, I did enjoy reading it. Now... As they say turn about is fair play. I just posted my own novel on my presentation and I'd appreciate the commentary too. Vol. 1 is almost finished (honestly I should really be working on it now instead of farting around on the internet, but oh well.) Anyway. check it out and tell me what you think if you get the chance.

2006-03-12 SleepingDragon: Thank you for taking the time to read this and comment on every chapter! Much appreciated indeed. All of your comments, suggestions and criticisms seemed sound to me. (I read every one).

I shall swing by to check you out soon :)